02 Jan Author Interview: Jake Avendano

In the realm of writing, a debut novel often proves to be the most challenging endeavor for budding authors. For Jake Avendano, it was no different as he tackled the complex world of narcissistic abuse in his first book, Break The Cycle: The Narcissistic Abuse Handbook. In a candid and insightful interview, Avendano opens up about the challenging process of writing his first book and providing guidance to navigating the dark and twisted labyrinth of relationships tainted by narcissistic personalities. Drawing from personal experiences, including his journey as a devoted single father, successful engineer, and entrepreneur, Avendano offers a raw and authentic perspective on recognizing, countering, and ultimately breaking free from the shackles of narcissistic abuse. Join us as we delve into the mind of this multifaceted author and explore the important lessons from his book that can empower readers to reclaim their lives and find their own path to freedom.

This is an excerpt of the full interview that you can listen to here.

J Ware: As a life coach, you want to inspire people and help people, and you think strategically, how did you have to think strategically about the writing this book?

Jake Avendano: So, through my own experience, when I was looking for a particular type of information, um, it was very difficult to get a straight answer. So the way that I’ve laid the book out, it flows. It’s very easy to find out what you’re looking for in that specific niche.

J Ware: Jake, what did you learn about yourself as you wrote this personal book?

Jake Avendano: Quite a few things, if I’m honest, John. Uh, so firstly, I never imagined myself writing a book. Um, so if we were to sit here a couple of years ago, uh, and say, I’m writing a book, you know, this is completely new to me. I’m completely outta my comfort zone. Uh, what I’ve learned is that you don’t get anywhere from being too comfortable. Um, so I, I think that element of complacent was gone.

J Ware: I’d like to ask you about your research. We were talking earlier and you said that, you looked for books when you were going through the things you were going through, and I got the impression maybe you didn’t find everything that you needed. I can sense that maybe you put on your precision problem solving skills of an engineer and said, okay, I’m gonna dig in and try to find this. What was your research? What did that look like when you were researching?

Jake Avendano: Certainly. So as an engineer, I like to solve problems. Um, and one thing one of my mentors always taught me was to be clear and concise in your notes, because if you look back at them, you know, a year later you think, what did I write then? Uh, so I needed something for the reader that could be easy to navigate. So, um, you know, you are greet with the contents page at the start, um, and then it would be broken down into, you know, what is narcissism? What are the types, um, you know, single parenting dealing with negotiations. Uh, so it is fairly easy to follow. Um, so I started off with that approach. Um, I started off with the content that I wanted to include in sort of bullet points, and then every so often I would sort of spend a couple of hours and expand on this point, expand on this point.

Jake Avendano: So it was quite a systematic thing. Um, and then what I found is that there were questions that are very specific to certain situations. So from my own experience, um, this information’s quite difficult to find. So these specific and niche topics, um, I’ve found through not only personal experience, but, um, good book by Lucy Reed. It’s how to Represent Yourself in the Family Court. Uh, that’s for the uk. But, um, that was quite a useful book, uh, to help me sort of self represent in court as well. Uh, and that, that sort of inspired me on that front because that book gives a, a very clear sort of picture and you know, where to find the information you’re looking for. So, uh, on the same tangent, I wanted to sort of reflect that in, in my book and combine the knowledge I had, uh, and sort of portray that in a easy to use fashion.

Jake Avendano: I think that this book captures, you know, the perspective from a a single parent, um, side of things. And not only that, you know, it goes into great detail about the specific niches that aren’t covered necessarily in other books. Um, and everything sort of flows. So, um, you know, for example, separating from a narcissistic partner and then, you know, going to court, sorting out child arrangements, et cetera. Um, I, I feel like it has a very good flow that’s easy to follow. Um, and it’s written in a concise and helpful way. Um, you know, not too much of a, a scientific look per se, but it gives a great insight without waffing waffling on too much.

J Ware: That’s great. That’s great. I’m excited to read this book when it comes out, and we’re gonna get to that in a minute. Uh, with, with, with this being a tough topic, how do your emotions, and let me back up, you, um, this is, is this your first book, Jake?

Jake Avendano: Yes. It’s the first book, so prior to that, I did a little bit of writing, but only in my own spare time. This book has been proofread and tested by various people online, on online communities, and I’ve, I’ve asked everybody what they want to see and what will be helpful. I think that’s particularly important because there are, you know, there are a few books on narcissism, but I wanted to give something that’s actually gonna really help people and, and give value. So I found that was a better way to sort of deliver that.

J Ware: Right.That’s what I’m sensing through this whole interview, is you have a unique perspective because you’ve lived it, and I love how, uh, the, how you’ve brought together your experiences with your engineering mind, you know, thank you. Saying, okay, I’m gonna set out and I’m gonna try to help people because I’m a life coach. Just kind of wrapping up this interview, we’re gonna go into a couple more questions, but how did your emotions play out when writing this book? How did you feel after you wrote the book?

Jake Avendano: So, at first it was very difficult to remain impartial. Um, so at the start of the book where you’re introducing particular topics, um, is important not to delve too much into, you know, anecdotes, your personal experiences, et cetera. Um, and to be concise. Um, and then as time went on, it did make me reflect and I saw one part of information, and then I thought about all these different things. And actually it helped me to process my thoughts and understand, you know, if I knew this at this time, what would I do differently? Or what will, what will I do now, uh, in order not to get in this situation in the future? So I, I do feel it sort of relieved me in some ways. Yes.

J Ware: Did you have fun writing this book? Was it an enjoyable process, or was it a hard process?

Jake Avendano: Most certainly. Yeah, it was, it was very difficult actually, to be consistent and say, you know, I’m gonna spend these two hours doing this. Um, I find great solitude in writing, but at the same time, you need to be in the right mindset. So you might have one day where things are very difficult, and then you sleep on it, and then you come back and everything flows. But I did have great enjoyment in writing this, uh, especially the relief it gave me. Um, and the feeling, you know, when somebody reads this and they’ll see, you know, wow. Actually, yeah, this is, this is like my life.

J Ware: That’s awesome to hear. And the name of the book is called Break the Cycle.

J Ware: All right. So, Jake, that’s awesome. Um, w we are excited about the book coming out. Thanks for being with us today, Jake, and, uh, I appreciate your time. I’m excited about the book.

Jake Avendano: You so much, John. It’s a pleasure to be on your show.

J Ware: Yeah. All right. Sounds good. Thanks a lot, Jake.

Break The Cycle: The Narcissistic Abuse Handbook is available now on Amazon.